When my husband, Denver, and I decided we were ready for a family, we never
realized what a journey it would be, filled with so many layers of emotional highs and
lows. After about a year of trying with no success, we embarked into a dark world. One
full of medical tests, questions from well-meaning family and friends, and mostly anxiety-
“Would this dream that I’d always had of being a mother ever come true?” During this
time, I did an online search and found our local Resolve infertility support group. We
met friends through this group, and some would become lasting relationships. There is
something cathartic about being with those who have a similar story. Through this
group, we also found a local doctor that found the medical problem that kept us from
conceiving. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and blocked fallopian tubes, also
known as tubal factor infertility. After years of surgeries and medication without
success, my doctor suggested In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). In June 2009, we started our
In Vitro cycle, and on June 27, 2009, my reproductive endocrinologist called me at
approximately 2:00 p.m., and said the words I longed to hear- “You are pregnant.” I
remember sitting in disbelief. On July 14, 2009, our first ultrasound revealed triplets. We
were in shock, but felt grateful that not only had God blessed us, but that he was giving
us three children. Unfortunately, two weeks later, our triplet stopped developing but I
carried our remaining two, a boy and a girl. My pregnancy was difficult. Soon after, we
learned that our daughter most likely had a chromosomal abnormality, and most of our
pregnancy was consumed with testing and morose looks from doctors. After a
particularly discouraging doctor’s appointment, Denver brought me an encouraging card
depicting a picture of a tree. The card’s message was to portray the symbol of the
resilience of a tree that’s still standing after years of being knocked around. Denver and
I both saw “Willow” in a baby book, and liked it, but after that card, we knew her name.
On December 27, 2009, my dream of becoming a mother came true- Declan Aaron and
Willow Bridget were born. They were premature, so both were in the NICU. Declan
stayed at the St. Ann’s NICU where he was born, but Willow was transferred to
Children’s Hospital as she had many complicated medical issues related to her
chromosomal abnormality. The next 11 days were truly a whirlwind as we spent every
minute of our days going back and forth between hospitals visiting the babies. It was an
emotional rollercoaster, because when we visited Declan, we heard how well he was
doing, but when we visited Willow, she struggled and it was grim. On January 7, 2010,
our little girl gained angel wings. That night, our hearts broke and a piece of us died with
her. Yet another piece of our hearts were filled with pride- we were told most babies
with this condition are never even born, and the ones who are, only live hours. Willow
lived for 11 days! She FOUGHT. She knew how much she was wanted. She knew we
believed in her. We had very little time with her on earth, but we had her for a few days.
Those days we cherish. It was a challenging time for us after her passing, because
while we grieved for Willow, we had to nurture our surviving child who was thriving
despite his prematurity. One of his nurses who had a particular attachment to him was
tucking his tiny little legs into the blanket in the isolette. He very aggressively kicked his
leg out of the blanket. Every time she would put his leg in, he would kick it out. She
laughed and told me that she had no doubt he was going to be feisty. He showed us
even in those early days that he would “march to the beat of his own drum.” His current
age is three and a half, and this rings true! Declan is my reason for waking up in the
morning. I still revel in joy and disbelief when he calls me mommy. There were so many
days when I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear those words. Despite our struggle and loss, we
look at our feisty, smart, sensitive, creative, funny red-haired boy, and I am amazed at
the gift we’ve been given. He is our joy. He is our life. He made it all worth it. He is our
happy ending.
